In the summer of 2007, I found myself newly single for the first time in over three years. While the dissolution of that romantic entaglement was the right decision, I didn't prepare myself for how I felt in the aftermath. There was a sense of liberty and relief, to be sure, but also an acute understanding that I was now alone. All those small things to which I'd become blissfully accustomed - having someone to check in with, go out to dinner with, hold hands with - vanished when I walked out that door. Friends told me instantly they were "glad to have me back", but most weren't allowed to see my private moments of self-doubt. Again, it seems ridiculous to me in hindsight, but at 25 years old, I was questioning how in the world I would ever find a person capable of loving me.
Lauren and I never fell in love. But she did show me a future brighter than I fathomed existed at that point. We met through a mutual friend, and after one hilariously hapless instance when I walked her to a cab that first night (you'll have to ask me in person for the full story), I screwed up the courage to ask her out, and she mustered up the idiocy to say yes. After a series of premature and presumptuous romantic overtures on my part, including a mixed CD (this actually happened...in the last 6 years...awesome), it became clear that we were not destined for romantic glory. That didn't stop us from building great memories, however, including dancing to Frank Sinatra in my studio apartment, me tumbling ass over teakettle trying to hurdle the net during while playing tennis with her, and the night she wore her tights (you'll have to ask HER for that story).
What I know now is that I feel indebted to Lauren. In an odd way, she somehow managed to make me feel handsome, smart, and desirable all while we veered further into the platonic. She made me feel valued, and she still does. This overdue thank you is a small way of me telling her how much I value her too.
